apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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