worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
