The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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