sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
