I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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