I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
