UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
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Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
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I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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