sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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