My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
