the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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