Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
