your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
