Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
