you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
