I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
