Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize