My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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