you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize