The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Someone shattered a urinal.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
