gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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