just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
