Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
