dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
