you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
