That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
