Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
