I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
