I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
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and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
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if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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