We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
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Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
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Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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