Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
