Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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