also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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