yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
