he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
That's how pantless uber rides happen
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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