you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
