i may or may not be watching the land before time
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
