so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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