I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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