Sry I called you an 8
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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