I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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