dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Is this like a preordered booty call?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
