Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
