elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
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He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
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My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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