im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
