Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
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while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Vodka?
Forever.
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I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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