3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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