You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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