I am puke
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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