im holly from the hills drunk
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
