Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
