I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
