You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
