I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
