wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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