You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
