...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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