White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize