just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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