What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
