Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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