a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
