Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
