so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We are all done wearing pants today
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