I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
