I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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