It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
