so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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