i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
