I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
