Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
